Personal Strategies for Resolving
Conflicts
Like the majority of my friends and a few close family members, I am not a fan of confrontation. I struggle with not letting my emotions get in the way of communicating with others during heated discussions. The most common strategy that I use is to excuse myself from the situation and take time to breathe and gather my thoughts. I prefer to write my emotions and conversations out on paper or over a mobile device before reaching out to the person I am in a conflict with. I like to read my thoughts and words before saying them out loud in front of a person because only I know what I am truly feeling and how I want to present my thoughts to others. I usually initiate with a text or any kind of non-verbal means of communication to arrange a time to meet face to face in a location where we both feel comfortable and not in a crowded space with others around.
I also recently began using a component of the nonviolent communication model, which is the I feel statements when trying to tell my point of view of the situation in which we are in conflict. When I start off with using when I feel this..., I begin to claim my own, thoughts, views, and perceptions, instead of putting my views in their mouths. This also opens up the door and allows them to express their view of the situation. Once we both see each other's own perspectives laid out in front of us with a clearer view we can begin to discuss in a more rational and effective way to resolve the issue.
Reference
The Center For Nonviolent Communications. 2020. NVC Instruction Self-Guide. https://www.cnvc.org/online-learning/nvc-instruction-guide/nvc-instruction-guide
Kirsten,
ReplyDeleteI have been told by many that I should not walk away in an argument. I leave arguments because I do not want to lose a part of me. I do not want to say something that could hurt someone or become so heated that I yell. Walking away allows (in my opinion) both parties to cool down and regroup their thoughts. I started using “I” statements when conveying my thoughts, but I can say that I was using them incorrectly, still trying to get my needs met. Like, I hate when you …. or I feel anxious when you… in neither of those phrases did I tell what made me feel that way I just shared the emotion. It’s exciting to hear another educator read and try to implement effective communication strategies to better support the children and families. Good luck on your new journey of conflict resolution.
SScott
Kristen, thank you for sharing. I can understand how writing down how you feel can help you sort out feelings. I think this is a great strategy. I also need time and space to sort out feelings and what I want to say.
ReplyDeleteThrough my own encounters and situations, I have seen on occasion it is easier to manage conflict using cooperative strategies such as compromise with our closest friends and family. However, when dealing with conflict and trying to compromise or collaborate with those we love, it can also be the hardest.
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